btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
