Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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