I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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