I'm gonna have a badass scar
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
