I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
