i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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