No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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