Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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