you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize