ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
