why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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