I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I need a burrito and a hug.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
