apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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