so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
