These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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