I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Drake has all the answers
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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