apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
