So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
