Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize