don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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