I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
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Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
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He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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