He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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