Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
