fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
