I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
