He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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