I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
