your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Farmville is her only friend.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
