You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
