make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The best revenge is premature balding
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
