is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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