Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
