FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
