with your own penis?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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