the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...