I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.