I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
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No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
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I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.