***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
