Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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