sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
and you fell through a lawn chair
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
