she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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