YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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