what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
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Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
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Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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