If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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