Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
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she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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