Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
