You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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