Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
