I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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