It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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