The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize