Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
