Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
