Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
