mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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