FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
