just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
