What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
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after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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