Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
did i walk over a car last night?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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