The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
