We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
