Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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