I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
