you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
