I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
