they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
