Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
