We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize